Yesterday, I was perusing the Internets for plus-size work wear. The resulting experience brought on some serious rage and self loathing. I was so good to write a blog post. I downloaded pictures of evil, skinny models, from evil stores that don't sell my size or airbrush models' curves out of pictures or sell low quality, ugly clothes with jacked up prices because they're plus-sized or do other things I made up in my head because I was hurt and moody. It would have been so easy to write that post. To wallow in my bad mood and to point out every single evil or wrong committed upon the chubbier people of the world (meaning me) by the fashion industry.
|Just one of the depressing images that comes up when one Googles "Plus-size work wear".|
Obviously, I didn't write that post and it's because I'm fasting.
Yep. I'm fasting. Not food, which might have been easier in the long run, but I'm fasting saying negative things. The family and I, along with our church, are trying to speak only positive things for the next 40 days or so. This doesn't mean that I'm not allowed to offer legitimate critiques of things or that I'm not allowed to say the word no or that everything that comes out of my mouth has to be butterflies, unicorns, rainbows and fuzzy, blue-eyed kittens. What it means is that I will consciously and to the best of my ability offer only positive words to those around me and myself. That I will think before I speak and that when I do I will apply a filter to let only what is positive exit my voice-hole. (FYI: I'm including things that I “say” on Facebook, Twitter and this here blog too.)
This isn't something super radical that I'm doing. People know that positive words spoken over a person or even a situation can have a positive affect . It's why psychologists tell you to say nice things to a newborn baby, why hostage negotiators don't get all doom and gloom and why Tony Robbins is a kajilllionaire.
|Only the first one's free.|
Speaking positively is a Biblical, psychological, sociological and, I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume, scientific principle – speak good things and good things will result. It's not magic. I haven't been sitting in my living room repeating “I will win the lottery” over and over again, but it's only going to lead to good things, being positive and speaking positively over people and situations isn't going to hurt anything, right?
Because this last week has been freaking hard. This fast has shown me somethings in my life that I'm not crazy proud of. For example, when I told Jacob our family would be taking part in this fast the first words out of his mouth were, “Whoa! That's going to be really hard for you mom!”. Yikes! What does that say about me when my 7 year old knows it's going to be hard for me to speak positive things over people and situations? I also discovered that I'm an instigator and that I use sarcasm and hyperbole a lot! I learned this from a week in which I spent 3 of the 7 days laid up in bed with the stomach flu. Dude! It's hopeless!! See? I just did it again! Gah!!
So that's what I'll be doing for the next forty days. I'm really hopeful that it will be a change that sticks and that will help me to be a better wife, mother, co-worker, social media participant, blogger, sister, daughter, etc. That life and life affirming things will exit my mouth before cynical, negative or sarcastic things. Life's all about growing, right? Right.